I’ve been thinking a lot about adoption lately. Obviously it’s an issue that’s close to my heart. I feel that adoption is an often misrepresented and socially misunderstood. There is a very disturbing adoption ‘incident’ that is being played out publically. An adoptive mother put her recently adopted 7 year old son on an airplane and sent him back to Russia with a note that he was violent and that she wouldn’t keep him. This incident has sparked vigorous national and international debate about adoption. Russia has threatened to temporarily halt international adoptions while they put new checks and balance systems in place. Words like Reactive Attachment disorder and fetal alcohol syndrome are being thrown around… thereapists, and laymen, adoptive parents and natural parents are weighing in on all aspects of adoption.
Here’s what I have to say about adoption. Adoption is DELIBERATELY choosing to love a STRANGER. It is a deliberate act! I believe that once you choose to love, unconditionally then the adoption has taken hold and that child is to all intents and purposes YOURS. We do not have the right to treat a child like a defective radio that we wanted but has some crossed wires. In my mind and heart, that child who is probably struggling with some SERIOUS and potentially DANGEROUS issues was never truly adopted, otherwise that mother could not have done what she did. She would have called 100’s of social workers, browsed the internet for help, knocked on doors, bullied their doctor until a solution was found. I’m not saying adoption is easy. It is not!!! the process of adoption is supremely flawed and so it’s flaws cause problems. I will say that I do feel for this *mom*. I think it had to be hard to realize that she didn’t love him and didn’t know how. I know it’s hard adopting a difficult child (been there, still doing that!). Society wants adoptive parents to feel happy and for adoptions to perform almost miracles in the lives of adoptive children. Society is NOT accepting of difficult adoptions. They’re seen as failures on the parts of adoptive parents and a reason why Real (read: biological) parents should be actively parenting. But, that’s not realistic seeing as how many times it’s the biological parent who caused the issue to begin with…yet, as a society we are often obsessed with reunion, with ‘blood is thicker than water’, with placing innocent children into harmful situations over and over and over again, hoping this time the parents will behave like parents.
I don’t think this blog entry makes any sense. I may or may not publish it, and if I do…I certainly hope no one takes my ramblings as anything more than what they are- ramblings.
I believe in families. I believe that strong family’s make a strong society. I believe that God intends for us to live as families- both in this life and the one to come. I believe in adoption. I believe that God can place a child in our home through adoption that was truly always ours to start with. I believe that time and God can heal all wounds. I believe that if we want a stronger society we should be supporting Families.
sorry again for the ramblings.