I have a rather stressful relationship with food. I don’t think it’s a unique relationship. I know others have that same kind of reaction to food.
As a child I was a picky eater. A lot of foods upset my stomach and a lot of textures provoked unpleasant reactions. To me, most food was a duty. Something to do so that my stomach didn’t hurt or so my mom wouldn’t be upset. The only exception is that ever popular one….sweets. I love sweets. My affection for garbage food was not a problem when I was younger since my metabolism ran so stinkin’ fast. However- at approximately age 20 my metabolism altered (code word for sssssssssssssssslllllllllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddd ddddddddddddddddoooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnn) ,my metabolism slowed at about the same time as I got married and was introduced to new foods and new eating patterns. Suddenly I could eat kinda whatever I wanted, when i wanted to without explaining it to anyone. I discovered a whole new world of food I’d never really experienced (cheese) because my digestive system had altered during my late teens. I suddenly enjoyed food.
BUT. I had 2 problems.
1.) I didn’t know how to balance a healthy diet with the foods I suddenly liked.
2.) I didn’t know how to cook
my 20’s were an interesting smorgasbord of interesting culinary concoctions (undercooked, over cooked). My loving hubby ate it all and then gave me ice cream to make all of the bad food taste OK.
So, I gained weight & I became a pretty good cook.
Then, comes that day when gaining weight is NOT only NOT ok but I’m actually gonna fight it. What do we do first? We change what we’re eating. I ate grilled chicken, fish, chicken, fish, chicken, fish….all with a HUGE salad and plenty of veggies and fruit. I lost a lot of weight. But, I was bored. My family was bored. Cooking healthy is expensive. The ingredients to a lot of ‘healthy’ meals is frequently extensive and exhaustive. So, I returned to comfort foods, and I got comfortable again and I gained weight, again.
repeat many, many, many times.
Well, I’ve had it. I’m tired of feeling like food’s my enemy. I’m tired of looking into my pantry with that extreme sense of dread (do I cook something we like? or do I cook something healthy for us??). So, I’m taking calories out of the mix. (well, not entirely– I’m not stupid).
For the next month I am going to cook as many new meals as I can. (My family will love me, I already know!!!). I’m gonna try whatever I can think of . I’m going to eat small portions, but I will eat!!!! I will not feel guilty (repeat to self 40,000 times in the next 30 days!). I will continue to run and do pilates and whatever else appeals to me but I will enjoy my food!!!
I feel free!