Today marks the 20th anniversary of the loss of my brother Richard, or part of Richard. He was in a horrible accident and lived for 8 years following….. but I want to forget that.
I have been unusually lethargic lately. I pondered today what my reasoning could be…and then my eye caught the calendar and I knew. My husband and I have been in family and couples therapy and I believe that bringing up my brother briefly last week…he stayed on the surface…..
Grieving is odd.
Sometimes you feel fine, for a long time….sometimes NOT. Richard’s accident took him on August 9th, 1991…an overcast but warm summer day. Eight years later Richard passed on August 25th, 1999. For years the approach of August provoked a feeling of dread… I just didn’t want to face it. If we could skip August, I would…. Recently though, I’ve been able to enjoy August and not associate such negativity towards it, that’s why I was so surprised that my mood took such a tumble this year. Maybe I just need to remember, for a little while, so I can forget for a longer while.
I adored my brother. I fell in love with him minutes after he was born. Really, I fell in love. He annoyed me sometimes (brothers!) and he was eccentric, and I adored it ALL. He was silly and serious and very affectionate if he felt close to you (if he didn’t feel close to you, you didn’t exist!!)
Following his accident I wrote a poem. Forgive me if it’s juvenile. I was a juvenile.
I miss you Richard
(If you want, click on “I miss you Richard” and you can see the book I made for my mother about him…)